He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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