I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
