so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
