No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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