Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
