i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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