you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
birth control should be required to get into college
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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