just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Still dying that you shit outside
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
