you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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