The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
