I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I think my moral compass just broke
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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