The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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