kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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