she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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