just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
