Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
