So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
