he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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