I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
