I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
