Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
