why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
