There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You're like the curious george of whores
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
