ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
That accounts for only three of the penises
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
