You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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