I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
