I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
