i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
