The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
