this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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