bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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