I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
