she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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