whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
