so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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