so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
