It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
