Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
