true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
