Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm getting married
To pizza
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
