I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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