Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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