I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
