seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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