By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
