I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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