My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
