Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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