Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
