I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
