Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We left an ass print on the piano.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
